Today I was nearly flattened by a bus.
OK, so that is the most dramatic way I could phrase what really happened. I was getting off the bus downtown and I was getting my bike off the front rack. I like this driver and I told her I was getting my bike. Usually I'm very fast getting my bike off, and this time was no exception, but a part of the rack that is spring loaded didn't retract normally and was sticking out. I set my bike down on the sidewalk and went back to fix the rack (changed my pattern). I was still fiddling with that spring loaded arm, when the engine fires up and the bus starts moving toward me, and not just a little! She's leaving! I jumped back to the curb, the bus literally brushing my backpack! The sudden movement catches her eye and she stops the bus, and we trade good intentioned nervous looks. I returned to fix the rack which only required a good thwack to retract (nearly my dying act!) and waved aloha to the bus driver.
Then I sat down. Wow. What if....
The good news? I was OK with the what if's. Yesterday, I told my parents I loved them (each personally).
Last weekend I told Bryan how proud I was of him and that I love him. I also told him no matter how successful he is in life, it is his relationship with God that is most important, and how happy I was that he has already begun that relationship. My last words to him were words of thanks.
Last night I gave Bradley his cough medicine at 4am, gave him a big hug and sat on the edge of his bed until he fell back asleep, stroking his hair and humming "Amazing Grace".
Yesterday, I gave Em a smothering hug too (she was trying to tell me something and I wasn't listening) and held her hand while I fell asleep (she was already fast asleep). I regretted the little "nipping at each other" that we do when life pressures get the best of us.
Our family is (recently) out of consumer debt, own our own home, and my life insurance is paid up. My family would be fine financially.
I hold nothing against anyone and I don't think anyone is holding anything against me. Other than for being a general selfish clod, my forgiveness slate is clear.
KITV would miss me, initially, but no one is indispensable and Trish or someone new would take my place.
Lastly, I live in the confident assurance that if something happened to me, my eternity is secure. Not because of any goodness on my part, but based solely on my faith in Jesus, with whom I have a deep and very real relationship. I have no doubt that for me to be "absent from the body, is to be present with the Lord" and I still hold on to that inevitable future ahead of me.
Now let's be clear, I have no desire to die early, but today's bus close-call made me check how I'm living, against what I value. I am relieved at what I discovered, and I think that is rare.
Still, I think it might be healthy to treat everyday here forward as a gift, and make the very most of whatever time I have left, be it a day or another 60 years. Clearly God isn't done with me here yet.
Peace, Love and... Peace,