Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Humble Pie

Hi Gang,

I haven't been blogging lately because the most major thing going on in my life right now is a personal failure.

I did not complete an assignment I had agreed to do for our church. It was a promotional video for our upcoming Flourish worship concert on Sept 27. Long story short, I did not do it.

My mind tries to give excuses but my heart knows the truth. I was selfish and irresponsible and did not give the project the attention and energy I promised and that it deserved. I flaked.

Lately, I have been struggling with ambitionlessness. A sort of life-boredom. This time last year I was all over this project! I wanted to make a splash, to make a difference. This year I am almost indifferent.

It disturbs me. I know I am feeling this way, but I don't understand why. Mid-life crisis? As a young man I imagined my life very differently. Nothing really turned out the way I dreamed it would. But my life is great! Great family, home, work I mostly enjoy, hobbies, friends and church. Nothing to complain about. Very safe and very stable. Very.

To admit to this failure was difficult. Very humbling. I tried to give no excuses, but be honest about what happened. Don't know if I did a good job at that, buy hey, I'm even confused about how and why it happened! There was never any deception. I fully expected to finish the video, up until the last week when it became obvious it was too late.

To not have discussed it here would have been dishonest. I am trying to live my life openly, and this happened, so I should discuss it, as embarrasing as it is. I've been keeping my head low lately and trying to not over-commit myself. I want my word to be my bond, and to be a trustworthy fellow. I want my yes to be yes, and my no to be no. It takes years to build a reputation, but it can be destroyed in an instant. My reputation is not just my own. I also represent Christ. I don't want to take anything away from Him. I'm just glad He can draw straight lines with a crooked stick like me.

Peace, love and a hard look inside,

Rich

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1 comment:

katy said...

Thanks for sharing honestly. Failure brings us back to the foot of the cross. Just when we think we've got our lives together, He tells us that without Him, we can do nothing.

Failure can be a good thing.